Days Like These

Power Through Intentions

Life is made up of peaks and valleys - something I recognized long ago, both big-picture and in each individual aspect of our journey. Whether it be in personal relationships, matters of the heart, our career, or times of giving and needing, we all have experienced our fair share of ups and downs, large and small. Sometimes, it's a matter of perspective - where we are, what faces us, the influence of those around us.

Eckhart Tolle tells us that the blessings we have today could easily become the very things that burden us tomorrow, and that which we're burdened with today could tomorrow be what we consider blessings. This is all too true. And while Tolle also reminds us that the only thing we can control is the now, there are times when our burdens are heavy to bear and we have a hard time seeing past them.

In our clarity, it's easier to remember that we can control the now, respond to what we're faced with today. But in times when we're uncertain about our path or what our future holds - when we allow ourselves to feel anxious about what comes next, we can get lost in the now and the future that is supposed to carry us out of the valley can't seem to come quickly enough. Feeling down when we're faced with these situations that feel beyond our control is OK, as long as we don't become mired in the feeling hopelessness.

Despite challenges that weigh us down, these are the times when we have the greatest opportunity to influence our own future. Dinner with a few friends earlier this week, I got to talking with one about new beginnings, making the decision to take a new path - intimidating as it may be. She's possibly the most open and intuitive person I know, and I always value her insight. So when she reminded me that we have the power to own our situations and source the kind of energy we want to receive, I reevaluated the perspective I've had lately.

Call it the Law of Attraction or intention - we have the power to ask for what we want, see it as what will become, and remain open to receiving it in whatever form it comes. When we practice positive intentions it may simply feel as though we're wishing on a star, but when we ask with purpose and detach from what that final outcome will look like when our intentions are realized, we're then free to sit back in amazement and wait for the wishes those stars toss back our way.

It's Not About Flying Or Not Flying

This is me, openly (but somewhat hesitantly) admitting that a year or so ago, I was introduced to the show, The Bachelorette, in being aired on the one night that I usually had free to sit and relax at home after work. It may be mindless entertainment, but that's the beauty in it, right? That season, I developed a little soft spot for one of the guys on the show, who happened to be selected as the Bachelor himself the following season, and the soft spot for this next chosen person - coincidentally, before they were chosen - ultimately led to my continued watching of, (and yes, looking forward to) the show these past few seasons.

Moving on to the point now, because you're thinking, 'you're just justifying,' and well, yes...maybe a little, I am.

So now you know, and can raise an eyebrow if you must.

In watching the first episode of this season, Jake, depicted as all-around-good-guy and passionate pilot, was asked, "would you give up flying if the woman you loved wanted you to?" He thought about it after a few moments, answered the host, talking about how power love is, how love was everything and if he had to choose between the woman he loved and flying, which he loved, there would be no question, he'd give it up.

My instant reaction was an aloud, 'what?!' Call me a romantic - whether it's obvious or not - but my thought is, if your partner cares about you in a real, true way, they would respect your passion. Unless of course that passion is something unhealthy or damaging or a habit you're addicted to having, (even something healthy in good doses can be destructive if it's something we rely on having every day to feel 'good' or 'normal'). That person may not ever have that same passion - the exciting part of being in a relationship is the ability to exposing and becoming exposed to new things, new potential passions and interests - but he/she will always respect that one thing that is more important to you. Even if that one thing changes over time. Is that too much to expect out of a person, any person, who truly cares about you?

If I have a passion for taking walks everyday during sunrise, or meditating every night at sundown, or practicing yoga, or cooking, or writing, even for a few minutes every day, that one person who cares most about you may not want to take up the same practice but shouldn't they give you the room to foster an aspect of you that you find important?

My answer to that question would've been, 'if I've found the person I love who loves me and wants to be with me, I'll know that in part because even if they hated planes, or heights, or anything else about flying, they'd never ask me to choose between my passion and loving them.'

I believe love is all-encompassing, it shouldn't be dependent on nor be defined by a single characteristic of one person, and it stand alone - pure love means total acceptance of all that a person is.

The BIG THING / Finding My Happy

I made the decision six months ago that I wasn't necessarily satisfied with the path my life was taking and it was time to reevaluate. Good job with big client names at a big company in a big city - the American Dream, sure. 'My dream too,' I thought, for quite a number of years all the while working hard to achieve that dream. However in the past year, having moved to that big city by myself to take that big-company dream job, I found I had very little time to have much other than that big-company work. And so, at the end of my days, on many thought-filled walks home and time alone in my apartment, I found quite a bit of time to do some, (what I now realize as very much-needed) soul searching.

Am I happy? Is this what I want? What direction is my life going? What will it look like in five years? What's truly important to me? What exactly does make me happy?

All questions I asked myself repeatedly. I knew I wasn't happy and that having the dream job and only the dream job in five years, definintely wouldn't make me happy. It wouldn't be enough. There are so many components to what I envision a life to be that does fulfill me. I knew a big piece of that happy was what I did, the 'job' I had, and I knew it had to be some form of helping others. Yoga had long been a significant practice for me and having a feeling that I'd eventually want to teach, I realized that now was that time. My way of serving others by sharing my practice with anyone and everyone interested.

So, perhaps a tad impulsive by some standards or maybe the perfectly right approach for me - I quit my job, moved back to Colorado, applied for a teacher training program and began pursuing my new life path.

Fast forward four months and I've completed the training program, which, as I've mentioned in previous posts, provided the room to dig even deeper into who I am. What I've learned and the self-exploration I had the support for has changed so many aspects of my life.

So today? Today is one of those days that I let ego-tainted thoughts occupy my mind. Negative chatter. Yeah, a big part of my practice is staying in the moment but sometimes it's a big challenge. There are some days when a piece of me wonders if I made a hasty mistake in uprooting the life and career I'd worked hard to achieve over the past several years. Perhaps when I'm talking to a certain friend and former colleague about the success she's experiencing and the big title and grand responsibility she now has -- my once-competitive nature that drove me while in the workplace again takes over and thinks, if I'd stayed with my own fancy company in that big city just six more months, who knows how far I could've gone and where I too could've been by now, professionally, in this industry I've put so much into.

With the social norms we face and the influence of what 'should be' our career goals and pursuits, it's a challenge not to get wrapped up in blindly seeking achievement without stopping to check in with ourselves every once and awhile. Come back to our center, or even find it in the first place.

Am I still on the track I set out to be on? Do I love what I do the way I thought I would when I started out? Am I progressing forward in my career in a way that fulfills me and makes me happy? -- After all, those most passionate about what they do are naturally more successful.

On the other hand, if after addressing these questions, we do decide to take a drastic step toward pursuing a change and aiming for what will fulfill us - we might not come to our new-found dream career quickly or without some work, time and energy. (As much as I used to wish I was Samantha from Bewitched, there's no magic-nose-wiggle here that will bring me this immediate, amazing yoga-dream-job future.) I took the risk of stepping away from that happiness-lacking, 'big suit, big office, big salary' career path but that doesn't make me exempt from an entirely different set of worries and concerns. For example the long-term stuff, like:

Will I ever again have the expendable cash to pay for a vacation to another country...(India anyone)? Will I be able to afford to own a home before I'm 30, like I'd planned? 

To even the short term worries:

Can I afford my car insurance this term? Will my next lease be for a 300-square-foot studio and will I forever call that home? Can I really afford to treat myself to a nice dinner with friends this Friday?

These were questions I knew the answers to in August 2009 but today, it's a different story. While the greater part of me knows that 1) it does me no good to spend my energy thinking about these 'what-ifs', I should have a vision for what I want for my future and do what I can do to get there, in this moment; and 2) I'll not fret about these questions forever, these worries will be taken care of soon(ish)...Right?

And then today, I get this reminder via a daily e-mail inspiration I receive: 

The BIG THING, Abbey, rarely happens when you ask for it, nor does it typically come from who or where you expect. It usually comes a bit later, from someone you didn't even know when you first asked, as a result of some weird turn of events that were impossible to foresee. So chill. Be PATIENT. ENJOY the Moment. And let your friends and partners off the hook. Besides, they're going to have enough to deal with when that BIG THING does arrive, if you know what I mean.

So, what do you know - things might just present themselves sooner than I thought. And in the meantime, I'll remember to detach from my expectations of what should be, or how quickly it should come, and just be patient and accepting of what I'm offered today, regardless of how small a gesture.

A Question of Anger

Over a conversation with family on the holiday, I was asked, "What is the greatest thing you've taken from this whole yoga teacher thing?" The answer in my head was, 'so many things, many of which I couldn't even begin to put in to words.' But simply answered, I responded with a few, somewhat explainable things.

One - (simple) I've learned so much more applicable knowledge about the human body and physically, what yoga can do to positively impact how our bodies function, move and sustain.

Two - (a little less tangible) not to say I've ever considered myself a 'bad' person but this practice has taught me how much better of a person I can be, even in little ways, and how this contributes to the bettering of society as a whole.

And three, (again, of many lessons learned) how practicing greater patience impacts every situation I experience, in a good way.

To this third point, my uncle - the question poser - wanted more ... 'how?' I explained that the things that may have once triggered an angry response now no longer do. [DISCLAIMER: practicing patience doesn't mean that I don't sometimes still get frustrated/irritated/upset, rather, that I work to remember to take pause before reacting to any situation that initiates those emotions.]

*Full disclosure here too is that I used to embrace my characteristics of stereotype: Aries, Irish-heritage, fire sign... I smirked when explaining the trio made for not-to-be-messed-with occasional, explosive tendencies. I realize now though that this was simply justification for my impulsive reactions. And maybe a little bit of not yet being in tune with who I really was and adding fire for flare. But what's great about that? I like life lived in a positive temperament. 

Back to the conversation with my uncle. Another family member interjected the argument that not reacting angrily is only a person feeling angry but deciding to bottle that anger up inside. I disagreed. Isn't there a difference between actually feeling angry and responding as such or not, and recognizing that we can simply take a different approach to reacting to any situation? And perhaps that comes with taking something for what it is and choosing not to attach to our own expectations for any circumstance.

So perhaps the most common cause for anger is due to this attachment to control. Think back over the last few times you've gotten angry. Where does that anger come from? Could you say that the root of what causes that anger is a result of not having control over the situation? In practicing patience, we can also choose to practice detaching from our need to control a situation.

Here's the question then, are there times when anger is the necessary response? Maybe it's up to you.

A Karma Reminder

This afternoon, while finishing up my final exam to graduate from my Yoga Teachers Training program, I caught a portion of "Pay it Forward." Can't believe I haven't yet seen this movie - what an amazing lesson on karma.

In Western culture today, we often misuse the word karma. We think:

Drop a piece of litter on the way to my car : Find garbage strewn across my lawn when I get home

Say nasty things to someone who's irritating us : Someone else says nasty things to us and we feel badly

Even worse:

Lie : Get lied to, Steal : Get stolen from, Cheat : Get cheated on, etc.

Sure, it can be this basic but not usually. It's our misinterpretation of karma that leads us to think that it's bad energy, one negative activity we do brings it back to us in the same way - a semi-celestial rendition of Newton's Law.

Karma is actually, simply translated as, 'action.' Good, bad or neutral action. As abstruse as it may sound, the theory of karma tells us that every action we release into the world weaves into a greater web of issued action. Because this web is so expansive, we have no way of knowing how exactly one actions is going to find its way back to us.

A stranger may react harshly toward us, maybe in the form of road rage on our way to work, and in our frustration, we react the same way to the guy in front of us at the next stop light when he doesn't accelerate quickly enough when the light turns green. In his reaction, that guy may get in to work and unwarrantedly snap at his coworker. Setting off the coworker, she might fire off nastiness to the next sales person who calls, and it continues on from there.

What we forget is that we can never know what may have influenced that driver who prompted us to join this negative chain of action. We also have no way of predicting how this negative energy eventually finds its way back to us, and as a result, how it may then influence us further to issue more negative energy onto others. What we can do is decide to take pause before reacting to harshness toward us and chose to interrupt the chain and set the energy on a new course.

It's almost impossible to expect that we always issue good karma, but we can strive for it. Our actions reach farther than we can imagine, so shouldn't we work for them to always be good?