Days Like These

Power Through Intentions

Life is made up of peaks and valleys - something I recognized long ago, both big-picture and in each individual aspect of our journey. Whether it be in personal relationships, matters of the heart, our career, or times of giving and needing, we all have experienced our fair share of ups and downs, large and small. Sometimes, it's a matter of perspective - where we are, what faces us, the influence of those around us.

Eckhart Tolle tells us that the blessings we have today could easily become the very things that burden us tomorrow, and that which we're burdened with today could tomorrow be what we consider blessings. This is all too true. And while Tolle also reminds us that the only thing we can control is the now, there are times when our burdens are heavy to bear and we have a hard time seeing past them.

In our clarity, it's easier to remember that we can control the now, respond to what we're faced with today. But in times when we're uncertain about our path or what our future holds - when we allow ourselves to feel anxious about what comes next, we can get lost in the now and the future that is supposed to carry us out of the valley can't seem to come quickly enough. Feeling down when we're faced with these situations that feel beyond our control is OK, as long as we don't become mired in the feeling hopelessness.

Despite challenges that weigh us down, these are the times when we have the greatest opportunity to influence our own future. Dinner with a few friends earlier this week, I got to talking with one about new beginnings, making the decision to take a new path - intimidating as it may be. She's possibly the most open and intuitive person I know, and I always value her insight. So when she reminded me that we have the power to own our situations and source the kind of energy we want to receive, I reevaluated the perspective I've had lately.

Call it the Law of Attraction or intention - we have the power to ask for what we want, see it as what will become, and remain open to receiving it in whatever form it comes. When we practice positive intentions it may simply feel as though we're wishing on a star, but when we ask with purpose and detach from what that final outcome will look like when our intentions are realized, we're then free to sit back in amazement and wait for the wishes those stars toss back our way.

The BIG THING / Finding My Happy

I made the decision six months ago that I wasn't necessarily satisfied with the path my life was taking and it was time to reevaluate. Good job with big client names at a big company in a big city - the American Dream, sure. 'My dream too,' I thought, for quite a number of years all the while working hard to achieve that dream. However in the past year, having moved to that big city by myself to take that big-company dream job, I found I had very little time to have much other than that big-company work. And so, at the end of my days, on many thought-filled walks home and time alone in my apartment, I found quite a bit of time to do some, (what I now realize as very much-needed) soul searching.

Am I happy? Is this what I want? What direction is my life going? What will it look like in five years? What's truly important to me? What exactly does make me happy?

All questions I asked myself repeatedly. I knew I wasn't happy and that having the dream job and only the dream job in five years, definintely wouldn't make me happy. It wouldn't be enough. There are so many components to what I envision a life to be that does fulfill me. I knew a big piece of that happy was what I did, the 'job' I had, and I knew it had to be some form of helping others. Yoga had long been a significant practice for me and having a feeling that I'd eventually want to teach, I realized that now was that time. My way of serving others by sharing my practice with anyone and everyone interested.

So, perhaps a tad impulsive by some standards or maybe the perfectly right approach for me - I quit my job, moved back to Colorado, applied for a teacher training program and began pursuing my new life path.

Fast forward four months and I've completed the training program, which, as I've mentioned in previous posts, provided the room to dig even deeper into who I am. What I've learned and the self-exploration I had the support for has changed so many aspects of my life.

So today? Today is one of those days that I let ego-tainted thoughts occupy my mind. Negative chatter. Yeah, a big part of my practice is staying in the moment but sometimes it's a big challenge. There are some days when a piece of me wonders if I made a hasty mistake in uprooting the life and career I'd worked hard to achieve over the past several years. Perhaps when I'm talking to a certain friend and former colleague about the success she's experiencing and the big title and grand responsibility she now has -- my once-competitive nature that drove me while in the workplace again takes over and thinks, if I'd stayed with my own fancy company in that big city just six more months, who knows how far I could've gone and where I too could've been by now, professionally, in this industry I've put so much into.

With the social norms we face and the influence of what 'should be' our career goals and pursuits, it's a challenge not to get wrapped up in blindly seeking achievement without stopping to check in with ourselves every once and awhile. Come back to our center, or even find it in the first place.

Am I still on the track I set out to be on? Do I love what I do the way I thought I would when I started out? Am I progressing forward in my career in a way that fulfills me and makes me happy? -- After all, those most passionate about what they do are naturally more successful.

On the other hand, if after addressing these questions, we do decide to take a drastic step toward pursuing a change and aiming for what will fulfill us - we might not come to our new-found dream career quickly or without some work, time and energy. (As much as I used to wish I was Samantha from Bewitched, there's no magic-nose-wiggle here that will bring me this immediate, amazing yoga-dream-job future.) I took the risk of stepping away from that happiness-lacking, 'big suit, big office, big salary' career path but that doesn't make me exempt from an entirely different set of worries and concerns. For example the long-term stuff, like:

Will I ever again have the expendable cash to pay for a vacation to another country...(India anyone)? Will I be able to afford to own a home before I'm 30, like I'd planned? 

To even the short term worries:

Can I afford my car insurance this term? Will my next lease be for a 300-square-foot studio and will I forever call that home? Can I really afford to treat myself to a nice dinner with friends this Friday?

These were questions I knew the answers to in August 2009 but today, it's a different story. While the greater part of me knows that 1) it does me no good to spend my energy thinking about these 'what-ifs', I should have a vision for what I want for my future and do what I can do to get there, in this moment; and 2) I'll not fret about these questions forever, these worries will be taken care of soon(ish)...Right?

And then today, I get this reminder via a daily e-mail inspiration I receive: 

The BIG THING, Abbey, rarely happens when you ask for it, nor does it typically come from who or where you expect. It usually comes a bit later, from someone you didn't even know when you first asked, as a result of some weird turn of events that were impossible to foresee. So chill. Be PATIENT. ENJOY the Moment. And let your friends and partners off the hook. Besides, they're going to have enough to deal with when that BIG THING does arrive, if you know what I mean.

So, what do you know - things might just present themselves sooner than I thought. And in the meantime, I'll remember to detach from my expectations of what should be, or how quickly it should come, and just be patient and accepting of what I'm offered today, regardless of how small a gesture.

Happy New Years With a Reminder

Oh, New Year's Eve. The holiday that some love - giving reason to celebrate with friends and champagne and nights out on the town in glamorous garb. Except how many NYE celebration plans have you had that have ended up being a bust? Me? More than I can count.

Although we seldom stop to reflect on how often things turn out just as they're meant to, instead of occupying our minds worrying about what we've planned for or labeled as, 'supposed to have happened.'

New Year's Eve is a holiday that can serve as a timely reminder of this simple lesson - an opportunity to practice detachment.

I've recently talked to a number of friends who have embraced the holiday as a personal and intimate holiday spent with those they love, purely celebrating in gratitude for having a new year for which to look forward. (Perhaps all of these friends, however, once looked to New Year's Eve as the greatest party holiday - exhausting themselves with pre-party planning of grandeur only to later be disappointed in realizing the result wasn't the extravaganza for which they'd hoped.)

One friend in particular shared with me this year that for the past few years, she's taken pleasure in spending New Year's Eve at home with her now, three-year-old, heading to bed early for a good night's sleep so she can wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to start a brand new year with a sense of renewal.

This year, I turned down several offers to party down and instead made a brief stop by a close friend's house to celebrate with good food and new friends before calling it a night in to watch the ball drop with fireworks going off across the way and a few shouts of 'wooo' from my balcony. How did you welcome in the New Year?